Remember the night we sat at Durban beach and watched the waves crash? 9 years ago. I knew nothing about you. I told you this couldn’t work. You told me it could. We spent so much time dreaming. Travelling. Learning each other’s culture. Finding a path where we weren’t sure there was one. Having a traditional Zulu wedding. Saying we wanted babies. We had no idea what babies involved. I didn’t realise that becoming a mother would change the person that I am. That you would become a new person too. That we’d even get a new names – Mummy and Daddy. That our marriage would change when we became parents. That it would no longer be all about ... Continue Reading...
A letter to my (almost) two year old
Today you got out the shower, wrapped yourself in your favourite green towel and said “where is tummy?, where is tummy?”. You do this every day and you think it is very funny, it’s one of your favourite games. A few days ago I picked you up from ‘school’ and we discussed whether or not to go to the shops on the way home. You said, ‘no shops, I want home,’ and we discussed in detail what we needed to get, why and how fast we would be to buy everything at the shops. It was one of the first times I felt I had a real conversation with you. It gave me a glimpse into the future. I wish I could learn as fast as you. I’m watching the way you ... Continue Reading...
Dear Nala – 6 months
You're six months old now and really loving life. These are happy days. Days I treasure and will look back on and smile. I wish you could remember them, so you could hold these happy memories too. Instead they are my precious memories, but hopefully this piece will help you imagine them. We are living in Hillcrest, South Africa. We came here when you were 11 weeks old so your Gogo and African family could know you. We spent two months living in Gogo's house. When you were nearly five months we moved to a small cottage on the property of our good friends. They have two children (and a third on the way) who adore you. They come and play with ... Continue Reading...
A letter to my unborn baby
My darling girl, You’re 22 weeks now and growing everyday. I often feel you dancing inside me and that gives me so much joy. It’s like you’re just saying hello, reminding me you are there. You’ve kicked daddy a few times too and he loves it, his face lights up with love. You are extremely active and very healthy. We saw you on the scan and saw how beautifully and wonderfully made you are. You are still small, probably the size of an eggplant but already you are perfectly formed with facial features and 10 fingers and 10 toes. We so much want to meet you, to see your cute little face and hold your soft skin. I always imagine you as our ... Continue Reading...
Always Our First – The Loss
In 2013 we lost our first child at 12 weeks. It was traumatic and painful. I'd had an awful first trimester, full of sickness. I made it to 12 weeks and thought that we were safe. That night I started bleeding, and bled until our little angel was gone. The emptiness that followed was immense, it was a grief for a life that the world didn't know about, a deeply personal loss and a lonely journey. We believed our baby was a girl, so we planted a flower in her honour and named her Angel. We held a memorial service with a few close family members, but I never felt we did enough to acknowledge the life. This is a piece I wrote on the anniversary ... Continue Reading...